Oh Yeah Owl » Poppycock

Die Antwoord: Interweb Ninja

OhYeahOwl — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 20:18:04 +0000

Aye Aye Aye If I was a butterfly I would want Die Antwoord and DJ Hi-tech to be my ninja protectors fo sho. Fok this is like, the coolest music video I have ever seen in my whole life. These South African ninjas are hard… core all up in the interweb! Like gameboys you don’t want to play these games, boys.

Die Antwoord performs “Zef” music, Zef being an Afrikaans term which loosely translates to the American equivalent of Redneck. Their lyrics are funny and explicit, and performed in both Afrikaans and English. Members of the band consider themselves as Hip Hop artists, but specifically refer to their music as zef rap-rave. Die Antwoord is a presentation of entertainment persona rather than that of authentic cultural identities.

These crazy fucks are raising to fame and Artek (the oldest survivnig person with a disease called Progeria, thanks to Ninja’s protection from death) will be around long enough to experience the samurai super stardom.

http://www.dieantwoord.com
http://www.myspace.com/dieantwoord

Pogo Returns With More

ChristPuncher — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:51:00 +0000

Remember Pogo? You know the dude who did those sweet remixes of Alice in Wonderland and Hook I posted a few months ago. Well he’s back with a couple more trippy tunes for you to nibble on. The first is from Pixar’s Up, one of my favorite movies of the year, called Upular. The second video, Pogo, also known as “Faggatron” for some reason, hits you with a darker more industrial sounding remix of Terminator 2 called “Skynet Symphony”, which I think you will enjoy thoroughly.

First Aid Kit, Know ‘em? You Should…

ChristPuncher — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 19:45:35 +0000

Ok now you can say you heard the next big indie/folk band before anyone else. That is unless you heard of First Aid Kit already. So who are these soon to be indie starlets? They be a Swedish indie/folk duo consisting of sisters Klara and Johanna Söderberg from Stockholm. The debut EP “Drunken Trees” was released April 2008 in Sweden on the label Rabid Records, owned by the Swedish electronic duo The Knife. And we all know The Knife, right? I know if I ran into them and they said in their thick accents, “you shoood be leestenin too dis bend, they are the goood” I would say yes and then ask to see their real faces. But I’m sure I’d be disappointed, but thoroughly enjoy their recommendation.

So anyway, First Aid Kit, they’ve already gained some notiriety by covering Fleet Foxes and putting it on their first EP, but their debut album “The Big Black & The Blue” is out on the 25th January 2010 and it’s really good. This is the single “Hard Believer”. As young as they are, the only way I could think they got this good is because they have awesome parents who showed them good music at a very young age, cuz damn they’re ahead of the game. That is unless all girls from Sweden look 14 and are actually older, I hope liking this band doesn’t make me a pederass.

http://www.myspace.com/thisisfirstaidkit

Album Review: Converge – Axe To Fall

ChristPuncher — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:22:03 +0000

Converge have perfected the art of making brutal metalcore albums. They’ve rarely gone astray from their formula over years, but each time manage to muster enough originality into each album to keep them ever exciting, and always fierce. I don’t think Jacob Bannon will ever run out of rage and angst. Put this on, and prepare to have your head smashed in. The first few tracks are fvckin mind numbing. You’ll feel like someone shoved your hand in a blender and punched you in the face. When people ask me, what’s a good example of really good punk/metal music, I used to put on Jane Doe, then You Fail Me, then No Heroes. But with Axe To Fall, the opening track “Dark Horse” will be the new example to show. They just keep getting better and better and it’s probably their most accessible song yet.

Axe to Fall just sounds better too. No other band has better sounding tone on their guitars. I don’t give a shit what you say. First, Jane Doe was an experiment in analogue recording, and You Fail Me sounded good, but it seemed guitarist/engineer Kurt Ballou hadn’t figured out the digital realm just yet. Well, this is one of the best recorded metal albums I’ve ever heard. The drums cut though the wall of guitars like a razor. And good thing too, drummer Ben Koller has never sounded better. His intense ultra complex fills compliment the songs like peanut butter and chocolate. It’s like when lego pieces fit together just right, expect this lego piece has 2,456 pegs to fill. Everyone in the band is at the top of their game. The guitar hooks come flying by fast and furious, like Vin Diesel is constantly hitting the NOS button.

The big difference with Axe To Fall from their previous work, besides being a little more prog rock, is the appearance of guest musicians. “Effigy,” one of four songs on the album that comes in under the two-minute mark, features Steve Brodsky and Adam McGrath of Cave In on guitar and that group’s drummer, J.R. Conners, behind the kit. Uffe Cederlund of Disfear takes over lead guitar on “Wishing Well,” while Steve Von Till of Neurosis sings on “Cruel Bloom” and Genghis Tron’ Mookie Singerman does guest vocals on the seven-minute album closer, “Wretched World, which sounds like a Tom Waits song from hell. Also included are members of The Red Chord and Himsa It really adds a great new flavor to the album. 40 minutes of pummeling metal can be hard to listen to sometimes. It’s really amazing that a band that tours as much as Converge does, and has been around so long can still put so much thought and passion into their music. Everyone will be comparing this to Jane Doe. I’m just not sure about deciding which one’s better, they each have their own identity.

If you are already a fan of Converge, then you just found your favorite metal album of the year. It may be a bit more prog rock than their previous couple releases, but it’s got everything you would expect and some sprinkles of awesomeness on top. Also, Axe to Fall’s “Dark Horse” joins the ranks of “The Saddest Day” and “Concubine” as absolutely blistering opening tracks from the Converge catalog. It will be played at all live shows from now on. Axe To Fall just drips with powerful emotions brilliantly characterized by violent and grim music.

Verdict: Rockit

http://www.convergecult.com
http://www.myspace.com/converge

Album Review: Darkest Hour – The Eternal Return

ChristPuncher — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 05:24:54 +0000

This albums stinks. First off let me say that i’ve been a fan of Darkest Hour since I heard “So Sedated, So Secure” So it’s not like I’m writing this not liking any previous work. But this pile of garbage is one of the biggest steps backwards I’ve ever heard a band take. Ok, let me be a little nicer than that. It is straight forward metal, all business. “Hidden Hand of The Sadist Nation” is by far the bands best release, then they got a little grown up with “Undoing Ruin” and showed some really strong songwriting chops. “Deliver Us” was a little too proggy and technical for them and the songwriting suffered. So the band decided to go back to what made them awesome. Too bad what came out was a bunch of boring, predictable songs. The album was produced by Brian McTernan who had previously produced Darkest Hour’s debut album “The Mark of the Judas” in 2000, and the production stinks too. Muddy guitars deluxe, also the kick is so overpowering is some parts you can’t hear the guitars. I know my speakers may not be the best in my sweet Civic, but it’s not like i had trouble hearing their other albums.

I don’t even want to go through the tracks because they all sound the same. When Kris Norris left, I really think the band suffered. There is one highlight lurking in the depths of all the over played metal riffs. Track number 3, “The Tides”, sounds like a more mature rewrite of “An Epitaph” off of So Sedated. It’s got that great rolling rhythm that’s more apparent in their earlier albums. And it’s got two great solos. Another good thing about this albums is it doesn’t have one of the dumbass “singles” they put on their two previous albums. You know “Demon(s)” from “Deliver Us” and “Convalescence” from “Undoing Ruin”. Soooo lame. But besides that, not much here. “No God” and “Blessed Infection” sound like a bunch of high school kids wrote it. The bands said that this album was going to have tons of energy filled with “aggression and speed”. Well just because you put fast drums behind songs doesn’t mean they’ve got energy. Bad form DH. I hope with the next release they really go back to how they were, not two albums ago because those weren’t really that good either, but 4 albums ago, when their songs had some honesty in them. Back to a band jam packed with super catchy and melodic metal riffs ready to mosh to.

Verdict: Knock It.
http://www.myspace.com/darkesthour
http://www.darkesthour.cc

2012 Will Decimate Disaster Movies Forever

ChristPuncher — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 00:33:10 +0000

Hey, you like to see shit blow up? Hundreds of thousand of people dying horrible tragic deaths? Bodies flying across the movie screen on fire while Tommy Lee Jones does something heroic to try and stop it? Well I know I do. But alas the disaster movie genre will soon be no more. Unlike the countless times the Empire State building has been blown up in films like “Independence Day” and “Deep Impact”, the genre of disaster movies will not be standing for next summers wave. Roland Emmerich will kill it dead. He’s the guy responsible for “The Day After Tomorrow”, “10,000 B.C.” “Godzilla” and “Independence Day”. Oh yeah, and “Stargate”, not a disaster movie, but awesome none the less.

We’ve all seen disaster movies come and go through the years. Starting in 1970’s with classics like “Airport”, “Earthquake” and “The Towering Inferno”. I love me some Charlton Heston. In the 1980’s there weren’t too many new ones though, all the ideas that Hollywood had were used up in the previous decade and the technology wasn’t good enough to really expand on the genre. Fast forward to the mid 90’s. Now enter CGI, and we get and a revival of summer blockbusters where shit blows up and Will Smith says something witty and millions of white folk laugh at his big ‘ol ears Asteroids get covered with “Armageddon” and “Deep Impact”, Alien destruction with “War of The Worlds” “Independence Day” and “The Day The Earth Stood Still”. But there will always be alien invader movies like “Signs” and “The Invasion”, so no worries there. “Volcano” and “Dante’s Peak” deal with, well volcanoes. Let us not forget “Twister”,and “The Day after Tomorrow”. We’ve even got plants attacking us in “The Happening” It seems everything is covered.

So this December the grandaddy of all blow ‘em up movies will be unleashed upon the world. 2012 will be using the well known myth that on December 21st, 2012 the end of the world will be upon us. But other theories it may include are, a pole shift, the “return” of Planet X or the Sun’s sinister counterpart Nemesis, a galactic, planetary, or other celestial alignment, global warming, global cooling, a massive solar flare, a new ice age, and so on. Sweet I hope John Cusack kicks all those reptilian humanoid asses! But anyway, complete and total destruction of the Earth. I’m talking entire cities falling into the ocean type destruction. There will be no Bruce Willis saving us from this clusterfuck. So not only will 2012 utterly annihilate the planet and every Flavor of Love watching, Facebook posting fucktard out there, but the disaster movie genre as well. What the hell kind of movie is going to top it? Basically 2012 took every disaster possible, put it in a fax machine, sent it to Roland Emmerich and said, ok go! But make sure Adam Lambert can sing a song about it so we can make a music video. I mean nothing will be able to come out after this. In era where we’re over saturated with overproduced loud music, fast moving graphics in advertising and an overall narrative overload from millions of YouTube videos and Facebook posts, we constantly need more to be entertained. Well maybe 2012 will be a good thing. After most of us got sick of Transformers after the sequel had nothing but loud noises and CGI, 2012 may finish off our senses once and for all. Maybe America will be fed up with the summer disaster blockbuster and want a drastic change like, MORE FUCKING STORY!! We’re already seeing smarter “end of the world” movies starting with “Children of Men” and more recently “District 9″ and Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road”. As much of a fan of stuff blowing up as one can be, there is a limit and I think 2012 will reach it. Well at least until they do it all over again in 3-D. Yes, I can’t wait! No, I mean damn, here we go again…

Movies On Film

ChristPuncher — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:28:29 +0000

Movies on film. Get it, they’re movies about the subject of film and filmmaking, and it’s also the medium on which movies are shown. And since there’s such a fine line between clever and stupid, I’ll move on from here. For people who pride themselves on being film lovers, the subject of movies about movie making just makes us wet between the legs. It’s movie nerd heaven. We think of all the potential inside jokes about actors and stabs at the industry we love to hate as well as some great fodder for drama. So here are my top 10 movies on film in no particular order.

Ed Wood (1994)
I’m starting with Ed Wood because It’s probably the best movie about bad movies. Ed Wood was the king of horrible cinema. Known primarily from Plan 9 From Outer Space, Edward D. Wood Jr. also made plenty of over stinkers. Like the semi auto biographical Glen or Glenda about the cross dressing tranny. Well, leave it to Tim Burton to make a legitimate film about such a shitty filmmaker. I think is his best film too, maybe because he works best within the confines of a script grounded in reality where his weirdo imagination can’t run too wild. Oh yeah Johnny Depp steals every scene he’s in and Martin Landau won best supporting actor for playing the ever mysterious Bella Lugosi, so that helps to. It does a great job showing the lunacy of how movies were made in the 50’s, when the title and the poster sold the movie, and script and acting took second seat. “Pull the strings!”

Mulholland Drive (2001)
Moving on to the opposite end of the spectrum, Mulholland Drive is a movie still about the absurdity of the process, but making it a nightmare. It’s the kind of film that you show people and you can judge how they watch movies. Do they view them as light entertainment, or are they intrigued by there mystery? Without giving away too much about it, Mulholland Drive is the story about an actress trying to “make it in Hollywood” told though a series of dream like scenes that range from hilarious to one the scariest scenes of all time. Complimented by a beautiful score by longtime David Lynch callaborator Angelo Badalamenti, no other film confuses and intrigues like this one. It’s the pre eminent David Lynch film, definetly a filmmaker at his peak. Sorry Dave, inland Empire was a little much. “Silencio!”

Singin’ In The Rain (1952)
Everyone knows the song, and we’ve all seen clips of Gene Kelley doing the number. And for those who haven’t, or refuse to watch musicals, It’s the song that Alex sings in Clockwork Orange while raping that chick. Good times. Besides some amazing dancing by the legendary performer Gene Kelly, the film offers a comedic depiction of Hollywood’s transition from silent films to “talkies” What makes the movie good isn’t it accurate potrayal of Hollywood though, it’s becasue I wanted to put a musical on this list. Gene Kelly is awesome, that fucker can dance.

American Movie (1999)
American Movie is a 1999 documentary about the making of an independent film. It’s the best documentary ever made about the trials and tribulations of coming up with the money and resources to make a movie yourself. It’s also immensely sad, funny, and affectionate. It centers around Mark Borchardt, a scruffy, eccentric, blue-collar, beer drinking movie-lover whose dream is to be a filmmaker. However, his life is beset with personal problems. I can’t say enough good things about this movie. Instead of kids spending thousands of dollars at film school, they should just Robert Rodriguez’s 10 minute film school and this. “It’s not about making films or in the long-run getting some money…but to create and complete.”

State and Main (2000)
For those of you who haven’t heard or seen this movie, State and Main is a 2000 comedy film, written and directed by David Mamet and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Alec Baldwin among others, about the on-location production in Waterford, Vermont of a film called The Old Mill. That said, David Mamet, being the incredibly talented playwright, really nailed the superficial, self obsessed world of moviemaking in light comedy fodder. From Alec Baldwin’s empty headed leading man to William H. Macy’s quick witted director, this movie hits all the stereotypes. But what makes this great is it doesn’t seem cliche. Playwrights and screenwriters usually complain bitterly about the way their work is made into movies, and Mamet puts this story line in as an inside jab. The movie seems even funnier if you’ve ever been on a set, but still has plenty of laughs otherwise. “Go you Huskies!”

Boogie Nights (1997)
P.T. Anderson, it’s been said, that he’s part of the VCR generation of filmmakers. Along with other auters like Quentin Tarintino, Anderson was raised watching tons of movies at home. I think these directors have an advantage over their predecessors because they were the first generation to saturate themselves with film. And well, Paul watched a lot of porn. When he was 18, he made the mockumentary, The Dirk Diggler Story. Later of course, became the movie we know as Boogie Nights. The movie is more about people, than movies. Taking place in the “Golden Age of Porn” it depicts the film cliche of the rising star descending into a nightmare of drug abuse. Oh yeah, it’s funny as shit too. I’m a little biased though because it’s one of my favorites. I will never get tired of John C. Reilly trying to convince people he looks like Han Solo. “Feel feel feel my heat”.

8 1/2 (1963)
Titled because it was Fedrico Fellini’s 8 1/2 film at the time. Six full features, two shorts, and a collaboration with another director. The latter three accounting for only a half each. The film revolves around an Italian director and the struggles of the creative process, both technical and personal. Hugely influential throughout the years its been on pretty much every all time best of list. People have said “8 1/2 is the best film ever made about filmmaking.” Maybe cuz It is told from the director’s point of view, and its hero, Guido is clearly intended to represent Fellini. Featuring one of the surreal moments in all of film. It begins with a nightmare of asphyxiation, when the leading man is stuck in traffic and he proceeds to float off into the sky, only to be yanked back to earth by a rope pulled by his associates, who are hectoring him to organize his plans for his next movie. In the film he claims he doesn’t know what he wants or how to get it, and while watching it shows he knows exactly what he’s doing and how to achieve it.

Sunset Boulevard (1950)
This thing starts out telling the story of the down on his luck writer, and ends up telling another one. About someone one who ends up being far worse off. Its a corrosive black comedy that puts an assault on the emptiness and vanity of the movie business. Subtle yet very savage. Why is it so easy to make fun of the very machine that makes the movie we love? We love to hear about singers and actors hitting rock bottom with drugs and ending up on celebrity rehab. It gets huge ratings. Maybe that’s why this film still resonates today. If you have the dream to make it to Tinsel Town, you might want to check this flick out because Hollywood is as hard on dreams as it was back in the 1950s. “I’m ready for my close-up Mr. Demill”

Adaptation (2002)
This film is like the depressed movie geeks scripture. Charlie Kaufman put all his fears and axieties about writing and relationships on screen. It puts everything out there and puts together one of the best screenplays of all time. It’s a movie about the making of a movie about writing a screenplay about adapting a book to film. But man it’ depressing. But it has a somewhat uplifting ending. Anyway who struggles completing writing or filmmaking projects and gets easily frustrated should look to Charlie Kaufman for inspiration. And much like Federico Fellini’s classic 1963 film, ‘8½,’ from which Kaufman almost certainly drew inspiration, ‘Adaptation’ tells the story of its own creation. Oh yeah it’s also one of Ridiculous Cage’s few good performances. “I can’t believe I got shot. Isn’t that fucked up?”

Here’s a couple of other I know I missed. Check ‘em out if you haven’t seen.
Barton Fink
For Your Consideation
The Kid Stays In The Picture
Sullivan’s Travels
RKO 281
Bowfinger
Tropic Thunder
Film Geek
Get Shorty
Hollywoodland
Inland Empire
Last Action Hero
The Player
Swimming With Sharks

And The Oscar Goes To… Mega Shark!!!

ChristPuncher — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 23:08:52 +0000

I wanna know how come more movies aren’t made like this? Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is a straight to video release made for the Sci-Fi channel. You know all those awful creature movies with the horrendous CGI that are on every night after re-runs of Stargate SG-1? This is the best of the genre. Finally someone said, “hey, we know our movies suck, so lets stop trying to be serious and just make it fucking ridiculous? And put reality TV sensation Lorenzo Lamas in it?” Best part, when the tentacle reaches out of the ocean and brings down the jet fighter. Oh and yes, that shark did leap 30,000 feet in the air to bring down that commercial jetliner. Kudos good sirs…

Album Review: HORSE The Band – Desperate Living

ChristPuncher — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 08:43:25 +0000

Desperate Living, indeed.

HORSE The Band, one of the most interesting bands around today. An enigma wrapped in a paradox, floating in a pool of sewage. Their fifth album teeters on the brink of brilliance, but unfortunatly just isn’t quit there yet. The album’s jam packed full of great musical ideas that seem to stay with you longer than their previous releases. Titled “Desperate Living” after the notorious John Waters film, the album really embodies how the band has lived through the passed couple years and how it feels about the cannabalistic music business it barely stays a part of.

“Cloudwalker” opens up the album to somewhat odd result. The track really showcases the major changes in the band, mainly turning the focus to keyboardist Erik Engstrom’s synth. It’s a bold choice to put as the first track, because most listeners aren’t going to get what they expect and might get turned off. Well don’t because this change doesn’t ultimatley become a bad thing as the album progresses. The songs end up turning from metalcore, to more prog metal with a lot of more experimentation. The third track, “Failure of all Things” is a little more of the HORSE of old. But what makes this track great is that it doesn’t rely on the old hardcore cliches that they’ve used before. Less chug chugs with synth on top, but instead it cleverly builds up to one of the biggest sounding endings on any HORSE song.

The middle of the album features two of the strongest tracks. First off is the tongue and cheek “Science Police”. Pretty much take “Sex Raptor” and mix it with the music from chemical plant zone in Sonic 2. It ends up having one of the catchiest synth licks HORSE has ever put together. “Shapeshifter”, the albums first “single”, well at least the one they made a video to, has to be the most enjoyable song on the album. Featuring guest vocals by Jamie Stewart of Xiu Xiu, the song really shows how far they’ve come as songwriters and how much range they actually have. The ending, features elaborate synth melodies layered with soft vocals resulting in a truly emotional prog metal piece.

Anther track that features big change is “Lord Gold Wand Of Unyielding (feat. Lord Gold and His Purple Majesty)” With vocals sung by, you guessed it, Lord Gold Throneroom. Well basically it’s got a disco beat with an almost pop rock chorus. Who knew Lord Gold has good pipes? Just after they’ve hit you with a lot of melody, here comes Big Business. A track that’s obviously a tour story, it acts more like the b-sides of previous albums. Finishing off the album are “Rape Escape” and “Arrive”. The first of the two is one of the most interesting songs the band has ever written. A seven minute prog piece thats got a bridge that sounds like a tasteful ode to Crystal Castles, and finishes off with some amazing classical piano that pretty much says, “hey we know what were doing”. The fact that heavy guitar comes in with ear piercing screams of horror over the piano reminds us that it’s still HORSE we’re listening to. Finishing off is “Arrive”, one of the strongest songs on the album. It’s got all we’ve come to know and love about ‘em. Great synth, heavy guitar, and the obligatory gang vocals round out this tasty jam which is sure to bring the ruckus live.

Desperate Living really shows they’re maturing as a band with more focused songwriting and lyrics. The fact that Eric’s synth is leading the band and Nathan is taking a back seat may not be a bad thing, but it is different. If one is expecting more of the same, it didn’t happen. But don’t hold it against ‘em. Just cause a band makes an album that’s different than earlier work doesn’t make it bad. It probably won’t turn any haters of HORSE onto the band, but the feeling that they’re growing may bring in new fans who thought they’re older work was too chaotic and cliche.

Verdict: Rock It!
http://www.myspace.com/horsetheband
http://www.horsetheband.com

Alice’s Wonderland

ChristPuncher — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:13:49 +0000

The music video for the song ‘Alice’, an electronic piece composed using sounds recorded from the Disney film ‘Alice In Wonderland’ The artist, Pogo, has a few others like this. All using original sounds and video from the films to create something new and beautiful. There is also this amazing video remix on yooouuutuuube.com which is absolutely mesmerizing! Here’s another highlight from his collection.

Some others include, Mary Poppins, Harry Potter, Willy Wonka, and The Secret Garden.
www.myspace.com/pogotracks
www.last.fm/music/Pogo

So You’re A Douchebag, There’s An App For That

ChristPuncher — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:02:22 +0000

Out of all the apps that Apple boasts about having, most of them are complete wastes of time. Now, there are some really useful ones out there, KashBook, Flixter, AroundMe, etc, but wow are there some stinkers. Here are some of the most pointless iPhone apps ever, and clearly say to the world, I’m a douchebag.

FatBurner 2k
Yeah that’s it fatty, take your iPhone and press it hard up against that BigMac filled stomach of yours and watch the pounds float away. Just check out these amazing workout options!
Use it …
* while finding a parking spot
* when waiting to order another cheeseburger
* at the doctor’s office because your overweight and at risk for diabetes
* while you fall asleep on your parents couch
* when watching NASCAR
* while you post updates on facebook
* while you write your fan episode of CSI: Miami
* while you keep telling yourself how awesome you are, even though you live a life of delusion and everyone hates you, fatty!

Hangtime
This app literally wants you to break your overpriced iPhone. It’s supporting you to throw it up in the air. The same phone that AT&T refuses to insure. Apple says that they didn’t make it, but let’s get serious, they’re laughing at all the douchebags breaking their phones trying to get the high score. This just pisses me off, I thnk more so because there are dumbasses around the world using this. It makes me sad inside.

iPint
Dude let’s get fvcked up tonite! Yeah brosef, totally, but we have no beer! And without beer how are we gonna get the courage to talk to super hot ladies? I know there must be an app for that! Alas there is, the iPint. It turns your iPhone into a pint of your favorite brew. When you tilt it, not olny does it give the illusion your chuggin beer, it shows the world your a total douchebag.

KissingBooth
Further delve into your own world of disillusionment and start making out with your iPhone! When living your life through facebook and other forms of non-human contact communication aren’t cutting anymore, the KissingBooth app is here to be your lover. I can just see little tween practicing at home with this thing waiting for little jimmy to respond to her post on his wall. Fuck me this is trash.

Poop The World
What the fvck is this crap, seriously? So you’re supposed to use this to “mark your territory” wherever you take a dump using this GPS feature. Is that what the world has come to? Some of the most advanced technology ever conceived by humans and we’re using it to show where in the world we take shits. And what are you supposed to do with it once you’ve built up a library of places? Share it with other Poop The World users? Pick up chicks at bars by showing ‘em how much you defecate? I hope someone finds every single person that uses this app and shoots them in the head.

RoboCop Vs. Predator: An Essay

ChristPuncher — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 08:38:59 +0000

In the summer of 1987 two huge blockbusters entered our known universe and blew us all away. Both films were among the top grossing in 1987, with RoboCop pulling in 53 million dollars and Predator 59 million. Both films directed by men who are masters of their craft. John McTeirnan, better know for Die Hard and The Hunt For Red October, and Paul Verhoeven who is responsible for other sci-fi epics like Total Recall and Starship Troopers. But who is the victor? Not which is the better movie, but who would win, RoboCop or Predator, in an all out battle to the death. We’ve all seen Alien vs. Predator, and even the Sega Genesis game RoboCop vs. Terminator. But these are all robots and aliens fighting there own kind. I say cyborg vs. extra-terrestrial. Disclaimer: This essay does not take into account sequels or video games, for they change characters attributes so the audience doesnt get bored. Example predator will not have a ship as seen in the sequel. You don’t see the ship in the first one so it’s not an advantage. Also this does not take anyone’s opinion of which movie is better and or more “bad-ass”.

First off what is the location of the battle? You will have to pick two locations, so there wont be any dispute over home field advantage. First location, obviously the jungle, and second an abandoned warehouse, where a cocaine distribution ring is going on. But does Predator really have an advantage with the jungle fighting RoboCop? Predator has two ways of seeing things, his infrared with the mask on and some kind of one color rendering where all he sees is things in red. RoboCop also has two forms of vision. A computer enhanced full color sight system, and infrared that seems to be more powerful that normal, where as it can see through walls. This is seen when RoboCop sees the terrorist holding the mayor hostage through the wall and punches through it to disarm him. Predators infrared is a little less advanced. He has trouble seeing Dutch in the end of the film when he’s simply just covered in mud. So how will he see RoboCop? Hes not warm living tissue. The only tissue he has in underneath his cold steel outer frame. The mouth does show, but is it just a skin outer coating, that doesn’t produce heat? One would think it is. When RoboCop takes off his mask near the end of the film you see that it almost looks like the face has been stretched over a steel skull. If Predator couldn’t even see Dutch when he was covered in mud, Predator would not be able to see him unless he had taken of his mask to his natural unassisted sight. The Jungle does give Predator one advantage, that does not have to do with sight. Predator is extremely more agile than RoboCop. So moving from tree to tree and through bushes would be difficult for RoboCop, but with a computer assisted aiming system, it wouldn’t matter.

Both RoboCop and Predator have pin-point accuracy, which in Predators sake is assisted by his helmet and laser guidance. You know the 3 red dots. And RoboCop’s accuracy is assisted by his vision being in synchronization with his robotic arm. As stated earlier, Predator will not see RoboCop with his helmet on therefore rendering his laser guidance ineffective. Robocop can see with or with out his helmet and still have his accuracy. The only downfall of RoboCop’s guidance is its somewhat easily knocked off aim. In the film he almost gets taken down but the Detroit Police and has to reset his aim later. So during a brutal fight with a 7 foot alien, his aim could again be taken out. But its still better than not having any.

If Predator won’t be able to lock on to RoboCop’s cold steel outer skeleton would he even use his shoulder mounted plasma canon? That seems to be his only weapon other than his self destruct mode. RoboCop only has a fully automatic gun hidden in his thigh. And what if RoboCop is still in arrest mode? Will he just try to hand-cuff and book Predator? Not if Predator attacks RoboCop. RoboCop will kill out of self defense. He did take out an entire drug ring because they shot first. Predator can bleed and die fairly easily like a human, but its his quickness that keeps him alive.With RoboCop not dying from a barrage of bullets from the his own police force with at least 25 guys firing at him with fully automatic weapons for 5 minutes, getting fired at from a plasma cannon from someone who cant lock onto you shouldn’t be a problem. But Predators a hunter right? Hell out smart RoboCop. Yes there is a chance of that happening, but RoboCop’s vision calculates his environment with computer like speed. Predator cant be too cunning he walked right into an obvious trap set by Dutch at the end of the film and a giant tree stump crushed him. Well wat about the fact that RoboCop has feelings? Could this be his downfall? Predator could, in the usual action movie style, hold a helpless girl hostage. Use her as bait and trap RoboCop using his human emotions against him. This “could” happen, but very unlikely. Predator does not invite inncocent and unarmed people into fights. This is seen when Predator kills, but lets the native girl go because she is unarmed. So in standard action movie fashion, RoboCop couldn’t simply take him out with one shot with his aim. The movie would only last 10 minutes. So what have to happen to make it somewhat even is both weapons would be taken out through the battle, and no one would have guns or pin-point accuracy. The battle would resort to hand to hand combat. In that case Predator would have a serious advantage in the jungle. But we know how fragile he is with how he met his demise in the end with the tree stump. RoboCop had a bunch of steel beams dropped on him and he survived, so he’s obviously more durable. Also RoboCop took the end of a gun and bent it, so his strength is also far superior to Predator’s.

So in conclusion with Predators inability to see RoboCop with his infrared and helmet on rendering his laser guidance useless, and the fact that RoboCops infrared is far superior that his opponent making his invisibility useless, its obvious RoboCop will kill Predator. And along with RoboCop’s far superior strength, hand to hand combat is no contest. Well what if he just blows up in self destruct mode? If Dutch can be right next to him when he arms it, and run away and duck to safety, RoboCop’s bullet proof steel will protect him even better. And good guys always win in movies, duh.

RoboCop wins.

Here’s some trailers to remind you of these movies awesomeness.

Who knew the future of law enforcement was set to the same score as The Terminator?

I like how trailers from the 80’s kinda suck, but this one’s a joke. Talk about about anti-climactic! Where’s Carl Weathers? And that other governor guy? Geez this movie deserves better.

Modern Creature Zine Preview

JorgeSausage — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:19:04 +0000

All shameless plugs aside, this illustration has been festering in my brain for quite a while now but never really knew what to make of it. This is just a first glimpse in a full series of strange illustrations photo-chopped into actual photgraphs I have taken through out some time. I have plans to release a zine / mini-book full of these little bastards so keep your diamonds, gems, credit cards and family jewels ready to surrender over to me mwuahaha…

The World Needs Black Dynamite, More Than Ever

ChristPuncher — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:55:31 +0000

When The Man murders his brother, pumps heroin into local orphanages, and floods the ghetto with adulterated malt liquor, Black Dynamite is the one hero willing to fight all the way from the blood-soaked city streets to the hallowed halls of the Honky House.

Let’s hope the movie’s as good as the trailer, and hope Sam Jackson doesn’t make a cameo. This drops into the street, hot and ready for action October 16th.

Originality Is A Dead Scene

ChristPuncher — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 23:50:09 +0000

All ideas are taken, everything cool is already done, or it’s just a rehash of something else you didn’t know about. But hey fuck it, one of the best comedies of all time is a scene for scene remake of the 1957 waste of an hour an half of Turner Classic Movies’ programing time “Zero Hour!” If you already knew this then, hey good for you, go fuck your self. So any who Jim Abrahms, and brothers Jerry and David Zucker, pulled a fast one on most of America with the comedy classic Airplane! But first a little history. They used to be in a local comedy theater group called Kentucky Fried Theater and it was pretty successful from what I hear, and they made a movie full of parodies and commercial spoofs called “Kentucky Fried Movie” If you haven’t seen it, fucking find it and watch it. Okay here’s the trailer

The “ZAZ” group came to the idea of spoofing airplane films when they accidentally taped the 1957 film Zero Hour!, while they were looking for more commercials to spoof. The original script contained spoofs of television commercials, however, people who proofread the script for them advised them to shorten the commercials, and, eventually, they removed them. blah blah blah who gives a shit. Zero Hour! is a such a piece of shit though, it’s just as funny as Airplane! without trying to be. What’s crazy about it is, they barely had to add jokes to the script to make scenes funnier. It’s pretty much like mystery science theater, but every thing they would be saying about the movie is being shown on screen.

They knew what they were doing too, the group bought the rights to Zero Hour! to avoid plagiarism issues. I’m not sure if it makes Airplane! any less funny, but it kinda make sme what Casablanca would be like if it had Leslie Nielson, a pie in the face gag and a couple of fart jokes in it. Too bad years have passed and that same group of comedies that brought us Airplane!, and The Naked Gun series, have succomed to making giant pieces of shit like Scary Movie 3, 4, 4, Superhero Movie, and soon to be defected upon us, Sci-Fi Movie. They even have the balls to revisited there old jokes in their newer films.

There’s Too Much Directing In Here

ChristPuncher — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:39:42 +0000

In a world filled with an over saturation of media, the exaggerated parody of the original is always funnier. How does one of the greatest filmmakers of all time end up like this? I don’t know, and I don’t care, because this is really really funny.

Now that you’ve seen the original, take a look at what some of the comedians down at the UCB theater put together. In a world filled with an over saturation of media, the exaggerated parody of the original is always funnier. Who’s got time for the real thing anyway?

Top Of The Pops

ChristPuncher — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:00:46 +0000

Top pop albums, ever of all time, forever

For some weird ass reason this was bouncing around in my head for a week. If I didn’t write it down, MJ’s ghost would haunt me until I justified his pop existence. So…..here’s a little review of albums that, sold millions of records each, still were able to keep the integrity of the artist, and age well with time. So I’m writing these in no particular order. Some of these are obvious and some not so much. So maybe it’s time ya give em a chance?

Peter Gabriel – So (1986)
This is a great example of a veteran musician making a record to sell, but still keep his sound and integrity. He had come a long way from being the curious 19 year old dressing up like a vegetable and playing 15 minute long prog songs. Check this lyric from “Big Time” (I’ve had enough, I’m getting out to the city, the big big city, Ill be a big noise with all the big boys, there’s so much stuff I will own.) Tell me he wasn’t self-aware of his soon to be worldwide popularity. The song is clearly pointing out his potential rise to fame and living the superstar life. Gotta respect the artists who were self-aware. It almost made it seem like he took stardom with a grain of salt. Gabriel had four huge hits, “Red Rain”, Sledgehammer”, “Big Time”, and “In Your Eyes”. But also managed to sneak in his dark, brooding sense of experimentation with the haunting “We Do What Were Told” and the oddly uplifting “Don’t give up”. In the entire genre that would be 80’s adult pop/contemporary or whatever, this is the best there is. Inventive songwriting, catchy hooks, thoughtful lyrics, all wrapped up in a nice pop package, ready for middle class white folk to gobble up. Don’t forget about those ground-breaking videos that one could say were responsible for MTV’s early success.

BeeGees/Various Artists – Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack
For anyone who was too young for disco and asks about it, just play this record and nothing else, (ok maybe some visual aids of John Travolta in that white suit could help). They could get an entire portrait of the disco era. Skip the ABBA and Donna Summer, this was better, well some ABBA’s pretty good though. I used to hate this shit. But I never listened to it. Disco is really easy to hate. Give it a chance, really. I think what gets overlooked about this album is Barry Gibbs amazing singing. Remember that this was before Auto-tune and digital editing, and the harmonies on songs like “Night Fever” and “How Deep Is Your Love” are perfection. With 15 million copies sold, that doesn’t even seem enough, this thing was a national obsession. Discos opened up all over, and everyone wanted to shop at Disco Pants & Haircuts, so they could walk down the street to “Stayin’ Alive” with their best strut. There were some hidden gems on the record too. How cool was Walter Murhpy’s classical music regurgitation? It was saying, hey i know this music is campy and fun and I’m gonna parody the genre by putting some of the greatest pieces of music ever over a disco beat. Hip-Hop artists figured that out about 12 years later by putting recognizable hooks over hip-hop beats. This album was an event.

Tears for Fears – Songs from the Big Chair (1985)
I love this album. And this was written to sell, Roland Orzobal once said he wrote “Shout” because he heard the word a lot in other hits from the past. But guess what? that song is amazing, It’s simple and original, and nothing sounds like it. “Everybody Wants To Rule the World” completely embodies the 80’s get rich, greed filled, cocaine, live fast die young lifestyle. You know the stuff Patrick Bateman would like. Well, he might think it’s a little too “new wave” for his tastes. But what I think what makes this album still great today is the production. Orzobal and Smith were notoriously detail oriented in the studio (I think only second to Steely Dan). Its pitch perfect in every way. Just think of that scene in Donnie Darko where “Head over Heals” plays and it pans through the hallways of the high school. That song is the 80’s. It did what every other pop/new wave artist wanted to do: sell records, but not make another Rick Astley piece of crap. It had real emotion attached to it, real passion. Meticulous song writing made these songs really stand out in an era full of some of the worst music ever made. I’m looking at you Billy Ocean. But take it away from its era, and it still resonates with any steely-eyed youth. It was the logical step for the band to take after the deeply intense debut “The Hurting.” What ended up being too dark for mainstream audiences, was necessary for the process to culminate with “Big Chair,” their best selling and most relevant record to date. Following “Big Chair,” with the solid but bloated “Seeds of Love,” and subsequent albums thereafter, the band substituted audience awareness for musical conceit. Too bad they never recovered.

Michael Jackson – Thriller (1982)
Duh, i mean who doesn’t like “Thriller?” Seven out of the nine songs on the record were top 10 singles. It sold 110 million copies worldwide. Even the library of congress preserved it, deeming it culturally significant. So when robots have finally taken over and its been thousands of years and they want to learn about the human race, they can head on over to the library of congress, read countless blueprints from the Apollo program, watch David Lynch’s Eraserhead, and dance the night away to “Thriller.” I’m not even gonna bother talking about each song. We all know them. But what’s great about this record is that it hits just as hard as it did in 1982. Play this at any wedding, club, or sweet 16 birthday and you’ve got everyone doing the moonwalk and trying to stand on their toes. No single musician in history is as recognizable or worshiped as MJ was, and still is. Even the hits that people don’t think about too much anymore still resonate. P.Y.T and Wanna be Starting Something are packed with amazing production value and great hooks. Its the King at his peak. You got Jesus, and then MJ.

Prince – Purple Rain (1984)
This was a soundtrack, but kinda. Somewhere along the line when writing these songs, someone decided to make a movie using these jams. Good decision. “Sign ‘O The Times” may be musically stronger, but being a double album, its hard to put it ahead of this one. Purple Rain just fucking rocks. There is so much fun packed into this record, you find something new every time. Put this on loud and dance with your significant other in your apartment until the neighbors call the cops. It’s awesome. Also, It seems to be the most focused of Prince’s releases, even with his foray into pop, he doesn’t give up his funk and R&B roots. His songwriting was at it’s peak, and with the help of the revolution, it all came together more ambitiously yet focused than ever before. With the eerie “When Dove’s Cry” to the menacing grind of “Darling Nikki,” Prince managed to do his thing without compromising the pop sensibilities. This album in particular has influenced a wider range of artists than one would expect. Foo Fighters have covered “Darling Nikki”, Green Day and Incubus cover “Let’s Go Crazy” while the indie rock band, Of Montreal cover “Computer Blue”. It just seems to get better with age.

Carole King – Tapestry (1971)
It’s too bad I only recently got into this record. I missed out on playing this for chicks when I was single. They would’ve eaten this shit up. I was at work, which at one point turned into the set of VH1’s Free Radio, and there was this poster of some chick with a cat sitting in a window. So I’m like who’s this? After giving me some shit for not knowing, my boss tells me it was huge and it had all these hits, blah blah blah. So I take a listen to this thing, and do it with your lady, you might get some for being sensitive. Nelly Furtado, Alanis Morrisette, Fiona Apple, Sarah McLaughin all owe Carole King their respective careers. I may not be a fan of any of them, well pretty much anyone who would play at Lilith Fair, but it’s cool. I don’t think I’m the proper demographic they’re looking for. Ok maybe Nelly Furtado and Fiona Apple, they have some pretty interesting stuff. Something else cool about this is the minimal production which really brought out intimate lyrics, very easy to listen to, and easy to like. Good thing James Taylor said to start singing your own songs, and stop writing huge hits for everyone else, she came out with a standard for the genre.

Fleetwood Mac – Rumours (1977)
Pop music is unpredictable. In Fleetwood Mac’s case the departure of guitarist Bob Welch — who’d reduced the band to re-cutting pointless and pretentious versions of old standards — amounted to the biggest break they ever had. With that and the addition of Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks, Fleetwood Mac suddenly became a California pop group; instead of boring ass blues/rock jams, they started turning out bright little three-minute singles with a hook in every chorus. Beautiful vocal harmonies and lyrics about relationships sell records. In the two years since the previous album, things had become rather difficult within the group. “They didn’t realize this immediately,” said McVie, “but them creating such a good album together lifted them out of their misery.” How awkward was it for Stevie Nicks singing backups for “Go Your Own Way” on stage. It’s too bad FM radio has ruined some of the songs on this album, perhaps a rant on that some other time. They just have a habit of playing the same tracks over and over. But that’s not the band’s fault, I just wish I could’ve heard this one for the first time without thinking of Bill Clinton’s campaign run. Just skip tracks 4 and 5 and its still got some sweet jams.

Beach Boys (ok, Brian Wilson)- Pet Sounds (1966)
I like “Pet Sounds.” Brian Wilson is a musical genius. Listen to this record with headphones and you can hear his deeply personal lyrics and real emotion pouring out. Put it on in the background and it sounds like bright catchy pop. This album has two distinct levels. More so than any other on this list. The Beatles heard it and made Sgt. Peppers. Actually Capitol records, the label, considered not releasing the album at all. They thought it wasn’t accessible enough. Yeah, good call douchebags. Pretty much any musician of importance in the past 30 years has also cited Pet Sounds as one of the all time classic albums. Eric Clapton stated that “I consider Pet Sounds to be one of the greatest pop LPs to ever be released. It encompasses everything that’s ever knocked me out and rolled it all into one.” Elton John has said of the album, “For me to say that I was enthralled would be an understatement. I had never heard such magical sounds, so amazingly recorded. It undoubtedly changed the way that I, and countless others, approached recording. It is a timeless and amazing recording of incredible genius and beauty.” Bob Dylan has said of Brian Wilson’s talents, “That ear — I mean, Jesus, he’s got to will that to the Smithsonian.” Yup.

The Beatles – Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (1967)
I decided on this Beatles album because it’s their most focused pop album, at least is to me the week. I go through phases with their releases. At different points in my life I’ve sworn each album is the best. I guess it all depends of where I am in my life. With this one they wanted to emulate Pet Sounds, so they did. I think its better, Rolling Stone doesn’t think so. But what do they know, they put U2’s “Joshua Tree” as a better album than “Dark Side of the Moon” on their top 500 list. I can remember the first time I heard this thing, I mean really heard it. I think everyone knew these songs from somewhere else, (thanks Joe Cocker and The Wonder Years.) But the first time it all came together was when i got ahold of a used record player for free and needed stuff to play on it. So I sifted through my parents old LP’s and actually found some gems. At first I was obsessed with side A of the White Album. No one could convince me any other Beatles was better. So i put on Sgt. Peppers while doing some cleaning around my apartment, and once I was done, I sat down and finished listening to it while staring at the cover and artwork thinking, well that’s it. Everyone’s just trying to be like this. It all sounded oddly familiar, not because I had heard this album before, but because i had heard the last 30 years of music try to sound like it. Some people say “A Day in the Life” is the best song ever written. Even though that’s way too ridiculous to even come up with the prerequisites for this, you would be hard pressed to not include that song in the argument

Hey Hipster, just because they were popular and your parents liked them, doesn’t make them lame, so steal em from your parents’ cd collection when you go home for Thanksgiving.